.....heal my soul
Am sick sick sick. Sick and tired of dirty politics, tired of people saying one thing and meaning another, tired of finding out there are hidden agendas behind almost everything people do, tired of finding out people aren't what you thought they were. So tired of trying to keep afloat, when there a hundred things pulling you down. Tired of knowing trust is a four letter word now; tired of keeping the smile on my face, when all I want to do is breakdown, find a shoulder to cry on for a while, to just be able to let all this misery out, so I can make place for better feelings, so I won't feel it piercing me inside all the time.
Everytime I feel the tears welling up, I remind myself there are people who've been dealt far worse cards, who are battling greater tragedies everyday, and try and feel better. But I've realised its not the best way to handle it. Just end up bottling it up some more, and now I've left it so far behind that it takes a while to know what hurt feels like, to realise that somewhere down the line things have gone awry.....
Ofcourse I seem like a happy person, but that's because I've even forgotten to acknowledge the pain anymore, anything added just piles on to the weight am already carrying, its a part of me, like an appendix..its there, needs to be gotten rid of, but I let it lie there, and rot while it eats me up from within. I can feel it clouding my happier times, building a wall of darkness around me, where any light, any sign of better times that comes through is consumed by this evergrowing mass of filth, of darker things, that though I let go of superficially, tug at me all the time deep down.
I'm hoping I'll learn soon, learn to be able to feel soon enough, so that my good times don't get ruined, so that this murky dirty cloud doesn't become my entirety. God help me do it soon, my efforts at staying afloat are definitely not working.........
Everytime I feel the tears welling up, I remind myself there are people who've been dealt far worse cards, who are battling greater tragedies everyday, and try and feel better. But I've realised its not the best way to handle it. Just end up bottling it up some more, and now I've left it so far behind that it takes a while to know what hurt feels like, to realise that somewhere down the line things have gone awry.....
Ofcourse I seem like a happy person, but that's because I've even forgotten to acknowledge the pain anymore, anything added just piles on to the weight am already carrying, its a part of me, like an appendix..its there, needs to be gotten rid of, but I let it lie there, and rot while it eats me up from within. I can feel it clouding my happier times, building a wall of darkness around me, where any light, any sign of better times that comes through is consumed by this evergrowing mass of filth, of darker things, that though I let go of superficially, tug at me all the time deep down.
I'm hoping I'll learn soon, learn to be able to feel soon enough, so that my good times don't get ruined, so that this murky dirty cloud doesn't become my entirety. God help me do it soon, my efforts at staying afloat are definitely not working.........
Comments
Take care n IGNORE hypocrites.
Firstly thanks for dropping by...it always feel nice to meet new people and share opinions.
About your post...to say that I identify with what you say would make me cliched.
I guess almost everyone at some point of time has gone through what you are undergoing right now.
For some ....they just learn to deal with it.....and for some like us it is a constant battle.
We cant change the way things are around us.
There will always be cruel and insensitive people......but there will also be the kind soul.....the person who will show you what living is all about.
Perhaps then let us all treat life as that quest to find that one person.....or that one thing that transforms us.
Then all these problems would just be hurdles that one has to cross to reach that goal.
Sorry for all the preaching......hope you find something useful there.
:)
- The Hissing Saint
http://thehissingsaint.journalspace.com
But ignoring it isn't the way. Write about it. Talk about it. Do something if you can. There are too many ppl. saying "All politicians are bastards" and very few who really care. If you're one of them, remain that way.
Be happy, but remember, there is this alternative world out there with corrupt politicians, poverty, communalism and hate. It's real and there's no use ignoring it. In fact, don't.
Never do something which you think is against your principles and encourage other ppl. to do so too. Don't give up, we need ppl. like you.
Here's a blog you might like. My uncle, Dilip. His add: dcubed.blogspot.com
http://sinshady016.journalspace.com